Lydia Love
by kokodoru
Summary: In which Lydia reflects on her life regarding her Thane. Regarding her feelings for him and the pain that comes with feelings not being returned. One!Shot slight M!Dovahkiin/Ysolda. Little angst-y, came from binge playing all day.


Her Thane was the Dragonborn, Lydia knew this was special. Since the moment Irileth approached her during mealtime to speak to her about getting some 'special training', she knew that her life would be different from the day-to-day boring guardsman lifestyle. From the seemingly-endless literacy training in case her Thane wished for her to read for him, to the gruelling advanced swordsman training for protecting his liege, Lydia didn't regret a single second, she would always be with the Dragonborn, no matter what.

When her Thane first bought Breezehome, she had been over at least one of the moons as she could now live with him and protect everything he owned on site. As the Dragonborn furnished the house, Lydia saw the more personal side of her master, thus creating a deep caring for him. Of course, Lydia started to grow even deeper feelings for him – which was understandable due to all the things the two of them had to face together – but these feelings weren't returned in Lydia's opinion, the Dragoborn was much too busy for that sort of thing!

But now? Lydia had doubts. His liege would return home with armour askew and hair ruffled, sometimes even with bites on their neck, a love-sick attitude seemed to follow them also. This hurt Lydia, as she would have wanted herself to be the one to make her Thane this happy, she could only prey to all the divines that this 'secret' relationship would end so Lydia could make her move. It was only a matter of time that some factor of Lydia's prayers were answered, and perhaps not in the way she had wished.

0o0o0o0

It was a late Hearthfire evening, with the sun's rays painting the sky in oranges and pinks. The flowers beside the Dragonborn's homestead swayed slightly in the breeze, and the lunar moths had decided to make an early appearance, resting on the wooden beams of the house. Lydia was sat outside with a piece of bread in her hand, enjoying the last hour or so of the fine day she had just lived through. Her armour had been discarded in favour of a light tunic and long skirt that she had purchased during a trip to Solitude with her Thane, he had approved heartily of her choice and even offered to pay for it.

The memories she had with the Dragonborn liked to run through her head in moments like these, when she was at peace and enjoying life's simple things. Turning her head, the young housecarl caught sight of her Thane, which brought a soft smile to her face, just the thought of him could do that at this point. Looking beside the great legend, a young woman stood. Lydia had met her before, with such a pretty face and uncommon name, it was hard to forget her: Ysolda. The image of the two made her see red; they seemed a little too close to each other to _just be friends._

There it was- he just took hold of her hand. And- ah! Did he just kiss her forehead? The picture before her was making her feel sick, maybe she could just sneak inside as she was pretty sure the Dragonborn hadn't seen her yet. Getting to her feet, she could feel tears build up in her eyes and a deep pit in her stomach to form. _'What does she have that I don't?'_ was all that Lydia could think as she fumbles around trying to get her shaking hands to open the door handle, _'I've always been here,'_.

When she had finally opened the door, a stray tear had already made it's way down her pale skin. But it was too late to get inside unnoticed as the Dragonborn and his lover were already right behind her.

"Ah, Ysolda! You've met my housecarl – Lydia – before, right?" That voice, that wonderfully terrible voice, behind her, saying her name, but also saying _her_ name, it was torture.

The question from her master had made her turn around with a stoic expression on her face, with one hand she had wiped any evidence of her pain away from her face, and with that hand, she put back on that expressionless mask that everyone joked about.

"Lydia?" Ysolda says with a girlish giggle, her voice making something churn in Lydia's stomach, "why yes, I believe we've met before!"

The Dragonborn looks down fondly on his companion, with a slight smile tugging on his lips, "that's good then. But – I'd like to reintroduce Ysolda," he declares, "Lydia?" he says with a humorous smile whilst glancing at his housecarl, "Meet my _wife_ , Ysolda,"

That sentence makes Lydia's heart stop. Metaphorically, of course. The perfect poker-face completely forgotten about as it's replaced with a look of complete loss, which goes over the head of the couple before her.

"I-I am sworn to carry your burdens," she says as she nods her head at the two and turns to walk towards _'the Bannered Mare'_. Deciding that staying home that night would be both painful and uncomfortable the next morning.

"Yes, Lydia!" The Dragonborn says with a laugh, not noticing the way Lydia's heart shattered right in front of him, and how shards of it are now scattered around behind her as she walks away to drown herself in her sorrow.

0o0o0o0o

Three years had passed and the pain hadn't gotten any better, in fact it had only gotten worse as the happy couple brought home a couple of kids from Honorhall Orphanage a year after their marriage.

Ysolda was a pleasant woman, she had her flaws and was seen too often around _'the Bannered Mare'_ flirting with all the travellers that came through for Lydia's liking. She asked Lydia to cook for the family and would give the Dragonborn food that Lydia had prepared and sell it off as hers, making the housecarl feel much less wanted.

The kids themselves were nice enough, they would pester Lydia constantly though. Things from 'teach me to fight' to 'I'm too small to reach this, can you give me a hand?' were phrases that Lydia would hear three hundred more times in a day than she would like. She also had to clean up the mess as well, the Dragonborn using her as more of a personal servant than a protector. It was degrading.

But after five years of being the Dragonborn's housecarl, she knew that this was an important thing to do.

All she needed is to see him safe and happy, even if it's got nothing to do with things she does anymore.


End file.
